Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
