No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
