when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
