I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
