I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
