i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
