God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
