Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
