when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
