I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
