Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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