Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
