I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
