i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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