Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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