I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
