No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
