He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
