I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
