dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
