Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
