It's Friday. Sex?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
