i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize