just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
whose ass print is on the piano?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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