barbara walters just said penis...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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