$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
