Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
