Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
