One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
