We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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