Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
