Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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