Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
