the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
