he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
