I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize