I must be too annoying 4 u.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
