i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
