I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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