life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
