he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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