and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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