I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
