Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Jerry, you need to find god
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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