paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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