well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
