dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You are the jesus of drinking
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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