Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
