He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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