so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
