we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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