I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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