God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
