Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
