all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
