hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
