that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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