I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
