I CAN MOONWALK!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
