I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I want to fling myself into the sun
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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