I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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