I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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