am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
