..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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