is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
