called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
