Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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