Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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