You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
