i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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