i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
